Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Goodbye to the Machine

During the past few days, I've been writing lyrics for two demos, known as Trepidation and 15 Miles, and I've also finished the guitar/bass track to the firstly-mentioned. The untitled short story has been progressing slowly so I've decided to move on to the book, and I'm currently coming up with ideas on how to the continue the story. If and when I will start and complete a new, 14th chapter, I will also translate the 11th one for you.

The stuff I've been listening to has been very diverse and plentiful. During the last 24 hours I have downloaded HURT's Goodbye to the Machine and Cold's self-titled debut, and on top of that, bought a collection of hits from the Jimi Hendrix Experience, titled Smash Hits. While I haven't really listened none of them properly, what I can say so far is that GTTM is slower and more mellow than HURT's previous efforts (not that it's a bad thing), Cold's debut is a very likeable mix of Nirvana, Limp Bizkit and Adema, and even though Smash Hits doesn't include anything that I haven't heard before, I'm definitely proud I bought it. Also, from Sunday to yesterday I had The String Quartet tributes (particularly the P.O.D. one, but I also got the Linkin Park and Deftones ones now) on heavy rotation - resulting in a huge fascination towards violins, cellos and other classical instruments and elements. Concerning I own a flute myself, you might be surprised of what kind of music I will have to offer in the future, because I got to admit, I'm truly inspired right now.

Tomorrow I will have my third recording session of the summer, and I will be recording Night + Day = Awake, if not more. I will probably be mixing whole Friday. Next week I will have more than just one session, so trust me, the EP is getting more and more complete...

That's about it, just a quick update, since I've been pretty lazy to be honest. I'll let you know of how the recording session went and so on during the weekend.

Saturday, July 25, 2009


First we'll start with the serious matter. This time around I want to talk about something that's more than familiar to me - artists and their quirks. We all have a painted picture in our brains about the greatest artists of all time being outsiders to the society - shy, lonely on purpose and so on. Now, even though I might seem like just a normal teenager, I think we can agree (if you have paid any attention at all) that I have a lot of these type of artistic elements in my character, which automatically affect how I act, feel, think and live. I am alone about 90% of my free time, I feel like it's hard for me to find anyone who really gets me or thinks the way I do, and I find more differences than similarities compared to mine in the personalities, music tastes etc. of the people I know in real life. What's the most fascinating thing about this is that I actually enjoy all those factors most of the time, especially the first one. Now, what serious discussion is this if we don't think about the basis for all this? Let's go into that. Why do artists live like this - is it something they adopt to themselves while living under pressure, learning their own thing so passionately and often away from others or is it something they have deep inside from the minute they're born? My opinion is the latter, and as a believer in God and the fact that our days are numbered (KSE pun here), I also feel like noting the fact that none of the great artists we know of never lived nearly as long as the average people - but if the artists want to stay away from others on purpose, can you claim that the lack of love, family and friends is the reason to that? No. And since there isn't an artist's disease we know of, there aren't that many options left. Artists are here to do more than just dedicate their life to music, art, writing - whatever form of general art you can come up with, insert here - and God has a very special plan for these people. In fact, I could go as far as calling an artist's life a suffering, since with all that overly pressure, constant battle and missunderstanding the thing you do really is what your main focus has to be in life, weekdays and weekends, freedom and prison, happiness and depression. And, because of that tribulacious nature of an artist's life and the amount of doings one must accomplish with such dedication and focus is probably the reason why God wants to stop my life as well until, some might say, it has even begun.

There ya go - sounds like a rant, but it took time and I'm very happy that I wrote that down. Now, what's up? Well, ZAO's Where Blood and Fire Bring Rest is the newest addition to my music library, and their Christian metalcore/hardcore is something I can't stop listening to at the moment. Project-wise, besides finishing Walk I have slowly been working on the untitled short story, but at the moment the third chapter to that is still in the makings. I have decided to at least write something to it each day, so even though I'm undergoing a I-know-the-plot-but-not-how-to-write-it-down phase at the moment, you'll hear from me soon concerning it. After seeing how natural writing the ending of Walk was, I have also realized that the kind of writing I did there is what I love the most and thus I have been having several new story ideas already the past few days. I won't start a new story anytime soon though, at least not a long one - I first want to progress more with all of my other projects.

I have received very positive feedback on 15 Miles, but you're still welcome to drop your thoughts if you haven't (I have received feedback from 3 people, but the file itself has been downloaded 5 times, so I know some of you are just keeping your thoughts to yourself). Since posting it here, I have added in a small solo part, but no, I won't reveal it to you, haha. As for Autumn Scream, I've been doing some small progress on the drums for Night + Day = Awake, and my next recording session is most likely next Thursday.

Despite all this, I've also been able to find some time for reading. I've read two books since the day I got back home from the camp (almost a month by now!), and I've been very interested in reading in general recently. Concerning my own writings, it can't be a bad thing anyway, right?

I think that's enough for you for tonight. I'll make another post as soon as I can, possibly already tomorrow - let me correct myself, today - so all I ask you to do is keep the comments coming until then.

Thursday, July 23, 2009

The 1st Ending.

I'll start with some fantastic news. As of today, I'm done with my very first short story - Walk. I will post the extremely long (doesn't mean you should miss it!) chapter 7 here and a link to the .rtf and .docx files of the whole story at the bottom of the page.

As we keep walking, smoothly and silently, we arrive on a cliff. Suddenly I start feeling uncomfortable, and it doesn’t make me feel any better to see the girl leave me.
- Wait, where are you going?!
- I must leave you here. Alone.
I prepare to make another antithesis but she disappears in a blink of an eye before I let the words arrive to my tongue. So, I shrug thoughtlessly and look around once again. As I’m standing just a few meters away from the edge, I recognize another cliff that’s separated from the ground I’m standing on by an approximately 5-meter long gap. Am I supposed to jump like in the dream I had? I go closer to the edge but all I can see underneath is never-ending and hopeless black. I feel my mouth getting drier and drier as I prepare to jump – but right at that moment, I see something that prevents me – something I would call a miracle if I wasn’t on an afterlife journey.
On the other side, I now see some sort of a character wearing a white cloak, with his face covered in hair and a beard - which both are a mix of blue and purple by their color. While the character is just about my height, I can sense that the masculine-looking apparition isn’t from the same world than I am. I blink my eyes rapidly before asking a question – once I do, it sounds as if I was talking to thin air.
- Who are you? Are you… God?
The man now steps a bit closer to the edge, so that I can recognize his kind eyes, which seem to consist of all the colors of the rainbow scale.
- I think you know the answer to that yourself.
I gasp. He certainly is here – looking at me, speaking to me.
- Is this heaven, then?
- This side is, yes. However, the side you’re standing on, isn’t.
- Does that mean that I am in Hell?
- No, not Hell, God says and smiles. – Let’s just call it an area that separates you from Heaven, and will turn into Hell. Unless…
- Unless what? I breathe heavily while trying to stay calm. The pure thought of being stuck in Hell for the rest of my existence after talking to God, like person to person, mortal to mortal, makes cold sweat and shivers go down my whole body.
- Unless you take my hand and gather all your faith together to jump.
Just one-hundredths after God finishing His sentence, I step forth, preparing to jump with zero doubt. I take a step, then another, then another. It all happens as if I was starring in a Hollywood action film and someone was watching it on slow-motion. Two steps more and I can push myself away from the cliff… I can see God reaching His hand to my direction and so I tighten my teeth together for the last time. But then, something totally unexpected happens…
- Wait!
I stop just centimeters away from the edge. A husky voice is shouting behind me.
- Stop yourself from making the most terrible mistake of your… well, afterlife.
I turn. Slowly yet steadily. As I recognize the source of the voice, my eyes expand like they have never done before.
- Ah, you, of course. Let me introduce – the beast that’s always trying to make enemies with me – the Devil.
Looking exactly like the opposite of God on the other side, I can sense nothing but evil coming from the dark figure covered in red and black. Completely bold and a bit shorter than me, the Devil comes closer. I try to step away but then I remember that I’m almost on the edge and reverse my intended action.
- You! Stay away from this. This is between me and him, the Devil says to God. He then sets His eyes at me and continues; - That’s right, don’t be afraid.
The fear can be read straight from my face but I don’t care.
- I don’t want anything to do with you. My place is there, on the other side, with The One I believe in.
- I know that, neither do I claim otherwise. But staying here doesn’t mean you have to like me or not believe in Him. You see, this land that you’re standing on is the same land you’ve lived on your whole life. It’s the land of sin, selfishness and hah, do I dare to say – extreme joy. Staying here would only be an extension to your life before – only this time around, you could have and live whatever and however you want.
- But remember, that only on this side you can have all that you need, God notes and I turn again at His direction.
- But why settle only for that? He is a human being, with his own will, and no matter does he like it or not, he carries the original sin which has created that gap between these lands and is driving him here – always.
- He can become a much greater being and exist without thirst and lust – but only if he decides to let go of his original sin and his life on that land.
- Hah. Well, you said it, he decides. So, what’s it going to be? Do you choose to stay on this wonderful land of decision or jump to the unknown and restricted?
[I inhale] Of course I want to spend my forever existence with God rather than rot in my own sins, but… [I exhale] There’s something that’s making my mind all confused, as if it’s pulling me more and more in the middle of this decision. I know how the situation seems like – I have to make a choice between good and evil – but does it mean that I really know how the situation really is? No matter which choice I consider, or the angle that I think about choosing it from, I feel like it’s not right, it’s not for me or for anyone – it’s wrong.
- Are you alright? God asks. I close my eyes and sigh for one last time.
- This walk has been more than enlightening, and I feel like at the moment, I carry all the keys of life and afterlife in my hands. It’s all up to this decision.
I swallow and now turn to Devil.
- This is the life I have spent, the life I have experienced. The land I have loved and enjoyed.
Now I turn back to God.
- That is the life I want to spend, the life I want to be rewarded with. The reason I have loved and enjoyed this land that I stand on. However – I now look down – no matter what the voice of reason says, my belief has taught me to go by heart instead of the brain, and right now, this is what my heart, my deepest instinct says.
The screams become an echo in my head as I fall into the gap, deeper into the great darkness.

After all that’s happened, I can only believe that it’s a miracle to be able to open my eyes and feel soft ground under me. I couldn’t die all over again, I knew that, but refusing to go to Heaven or Hell could’ve caused some side effects. So where am I now? I try to rise up, only to feel a hand push me back down and see another one offer me water.
- Drink this.
As I’m not supposed to feel surprised about anything anymore at this point, my face doesn’t react in any way to seeing a man who looks just like Jesus – unless you want to count the smile that my lips create.
- Thanks. You must be…
- Jesus, yes. I’m glad that you’re here, He says while I drink the water He has given me. Or was it water? It looked like water, and tasted like water, but somehow it made me feel… embraced inside.
- It is water, but it doesn’t affect to you as normal water does. Here everything is different, as you will soon begin to see, Jesus says and offers me his hand again. – Let me help you stand up. I’m sure you got some questions.
I take His hand and take a look at what the place I’m in is like. I can’t even begin to tell myself how it is with words, so I just stare at the beauty of everything without thinking about it rationally.
- How did… I end up here? I ask as we sit down on a pair of rocks. At least something is familiar in here, I think deep down in my mind before realizing that The One next to me can hear everything including my thoughts.
- How do you think you did? Jesus says. He has a smile I’ve never seen on a person before as I try to think back what happened and come up with an answer that satisfies us both.
- Well... I do know that I wasn’t meant to jump on the other side. I know that this was where I was supposed to end up in. But…
- Was that man on the cliff really God? He certainly wasn’t.
- So it was the Devil?
- Good thinking. He took Father’s figure to distract you.
- But how can He be in two places at once?
- He wasn’t.
- But I saw him in his real outfit, on the land I was standing on…
- Let’s put that aside for a bit. What made you doubt that it was not God on that cliff? What made you realize that you needed to fall instead of staying or jumping?
- The way he acted. His characteristics, they were too much like people picture them to be like… And then, His words. The way He spoke. He asked me if I was alright… If He would’ve really been God, he wouldn’t have had to ask, I think out loud.
- Now re-consider – who really was that Devil on the land you were on?
I think for a bit. Nothing comes down to my mind, so Jesus answers his own question.
- It was you.
- Me?
- You see, this Walk was a test of faith and decision, but no matter how hard a mortal tries he can’t get away from his original sin. Even after the wonderfully fruitful life you’ve had and this Walk, you had more than a hint of that left – and it was eating your faith from the inside. So, basically the Devil that you saw there on that cliff was that doubt and calling towards evil that lived inside of you, Jesus clarifies. I’m speechless, but it’s not because of what my Savior has just said, it’s because somehow, I already knew everything.
- So is this Heaven?
- Well, now that you’re here, you can call this whatever you want. But yes, this is the one and only Heaven.
- It’s great to be here, I say with gratefulness in my eyes. - I do have one more question.
- Why am I here instead of God if I’m His incarnation on Earth? Well, just like you’ve witnessed on this Walk, nothing certainly is what it seems. But here, you don’t need to worry about that. The key about this place is very simple - This is Home.
- Home, I repeat. – I like that.


"Walk" in its entirety | .rtf | .docx |

Now I know what I have promised about serious discussions, etc. But I really think that it's simply for the best to post what's up and all later. For now, I just want to celebrate the completion of Walk and I wish that I will get as many comments on it as possible. Even if you haven't read any of it so far, even if you're not a religious nor a spiritual person, give it a go. That's all I'm asking you to do after 9 months of working on the story. Try it. ;)

See you soon.

Sunday, July 19, 2009

A Light In A Darkened World

Haven't been posting in days, I know - but this is worth it.

First, I got Killswitch Engage's latest, self-titled album on Friday and during yesterday and today, I've been writing a review about it. So far the professional reviews of it have been very positive, as have mostly been all the reviews I've done in the past, so with that said I think you might be surprised of what I've typed this time around...

Review: Killswitch Engage – Killswitch Engage II [2009]

Overview: After making a bunch of legendary metalcore albums like Alive or Just Breathing? and landing mainstream success with singles such as My Curse and The End of Heartache, one might ask; is there any way that Killswitch Engage can improve anymore? The pressure and the expectations are huge no matter do you prefer the straight-up vocals and contrast-filled song structures of the newer or the metaphoric screams and crunchy riff variations of the older Killswitch, as they release their second eponymous record in total.

Review: While the album introduces some new and rather interesting landings for the band, Killswitch is by now starting to strain out its trademark sound that’s once again present on almost all the songs on the album. Despite the overall sound being fresher than on As Daylight Dies, the same formula of brutal verses and laid back and catchy – almost poppy – choruses, lead into bridges with the blend of the two does not showcase anything technically significant in sound. The biggest flaw on the album, however, is found in the vocals – while Howard Jones doesn’t sound any different from song to song (let alone some transient stuff like the background vocals in the bridge of The Forgotten and the overall vocals in The Return) nor from album to album, the lyrics he growls/sings/growls/sings/growls portray a lack of meaning and are more predictable than anything the band has written before. What’s the saddest thing about this is that 1) some lines are actually full of imaginary and uniqueness, such as the verses of The Forgotten and the switching choruses of I Would Do Anything yet covered in a pool of less admirable words and 2) there’s plenty of potential in the themes for the songs, especially in the epic The Return and the melodic-driven A Light In A Darkened World. As Justin Foley’s double bass kick is sometimes used just where it’s not really necessary and not used where needed, the best part of the record is, predictably, the guitar work. The “king of metalcore”, Adam Dutkiewicz, is blending riffs like a magician once again alongside his colleague Joel Stroetzel, yet their performance isn’t flawless either – while some of the guitar work, such as the in-your-face verse of I Would Do Anything and the harmonizing leads of Take Me Away are simply innovating, too often the guitars are toning each other down with melodic bits pieced together here and there on rougher guitar stems. Metalcore does that yes, but it should do it varyingly, not all the time. The opening track Never Again is the only song we hear a highlighted guitar solo in and the bass-emphasized parts hearable on Starting Over and Save Me are unfortunately very brief - with further usage and experimentation these kinds of things would make the album better more than a notch.

At its best, the album is very different from the Killswitch the fans have learnt to know and love. The Return, Take Me Away and Lost are mostly power ballads with a lot of emotion and atmosphere, while there are a lot of good things about the starter Never Again, the wicked I Would Do Anything and the faded in closer, This Is Goodbye as well. A band such as Killswitch can’t simply make a song with zero potential, but on this album, it’s really hard for any true listener, reviewer or musician to find a song with nothing major that couldn’t be improved.

Despite the few signs of evolvement, Killswitch Engage II is a grower and will, by no doubt, make old Killswitch Engage fans very happy. For those who are looking for a completely redefined Killswitch Engage, the album is a slight disappointment – but who knows, maybe already on the next record they will be able to give up on their standard formula completely and simply go nuts ignoring the name Killswitch Engage, ignoring the term ‘metalcore’, ignoring what they’ve done in the past – just play without any limitations whatsoever.

Vocals/Lyrics - 6+/10
Guitars - 8-/10
Bass - 7+/10
Drums - 7-/10
Other Instrumentation - 8+/10
Overall Harmony - 8-/10

Final Degree: 7.7

Besides KSE, I've been into some Korn and continued my interest to Element Eighty. I already have in mind what I'll check out next, but I will try and recapture all the bands I've been trying to get into lately before that. Somehow I feel like I've been too fast jumping to new bands and albums all the time, without even giving the previous one a decent chance.

As I have told you, I've been working on a lot of new demos for the post-Autumn Scream era during the past month or so, and now I've decided to share one of those demos with you. It's only a midi one, which I know you all dislike as much as I do, but I really want to show you what direction I'm heading towards right now (well, next) and this is the only way as of now. So, here ya go. The demo is called 15 Miles - it's the one I started working on just before I left for my confirmation camp a few weeks ago.

I've been updating the Autumn Scream website more and more lately, by putting up the guitar & bass tabs for Memory and starting topics on the forums. Gazzy from LPP kindly started the first topic not created by me - I thank him for that and I wish that you all would do the same, or if not, at least post in the topics I have created. The EP is not out yet, but I have showed you lyrics, demos and given you info enough to make your head spin, so I'm sure you have questions, opinions etc. to share! I'm not pressuring you, just asking humbly. :)

Now, earlier today in my Twitter I promised to talk about a serious topic, but since I've already shared so much with you on this one post, it's for the best to stop here, don't you think? I will talk about something serious-ish whenever I post next time. Until then;

This is my goodbye...

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

The Spring I Live Inside

Heya, readers. I'm glad to inform that I have now finished recording/mixing Dive Inside. The vocals are a bit distorted as of yet, but after working on that for quite a while I have come to the conclusion that it can only be fixed by either re-recording or mastering, and since the vocals themselves are pretty good excluding the distortion and I can't master at all, I've decided to keep it as what it is. Since Memory is/was sort of a single (well, a promo at least), I won't be giving this one away to keep the hype around the EP - but if you really want to hear it, you're free to ask me and I'll give you a link. To those who don't know yet, I'm also screaming a bit in the bridge, which turned out way better than I expected. My next recording session will be held in about 1½ weeks, and until then I will be working on the drum track for Night + Day = Awake and the other 3 tracks I still have yet to complete. Next tracks I'll be recording are precisely Night + Day = Awake and HOPE. FEAR. DOWN. LOVE FOR..., the intro for the EP.

While I haven't been mixing or recording the past days, I've been finishing the 6th part for Walk like I presumed. Here it is;

For the first time during my journey, I had a slight hunch of what was going on. Two windows – one on my left, one on my right - both covered so that I couldn’t see a thing through them. I could, however, see that they had wooden frames and that they weren’t any bigger from normal, household windows. The situation once again seemed desperate to begin with, but I had my hunch, and I was living through the instinct that either one of the windows had something to do with me. So, I intently started looking for a way to access whatever was hidden in or behind the windows.

Luckily enough, all I had to was approach the windows and the covers revealed what was hidden. Behind the window that was on my left, I saw something blurry. It reminded me of a heart by its shape, but I had no idea why it was there or whose it was. Then, behind the window that was on my right, I saw a dark figure – or that’s what it first reminded me of, until the figure turned to reveal itself to me. It was a girl crying, and the deep, suffering glance she gave me with her dark brown eyes was heart-stopping, literally. I started feeling empty and inept, and soon it all came clear to me – the heart behind the left window was mine, and I had to decide between it and the girl.

I decided to begin thinking rationally. I had been taught all my life that others should be put in first, then yourself – by my parents, myself, and my beliefs – but how could I help this girl without having a heart to even care and carry the weight? This was by no doubt the hardest decision during my trip so far. I looked up, closed my eyes and sighed silently just before lifting my foot off the ground to walk towards the window of my choice.

As I stopped just centimeters away from the window, I noticed a knob on the left side and pulled it down to open the window. A divine smell arrived to my nose the very same second the glass wasn’t blocking half of my senses anymore. I then gently jumped to the other side of the window. I walked a few meters more to arrive on a tree trunk and sat down.

The girl I had only seen through glass before now was purely engaging. I had never been a womanizer, or good getting along with the opposite gender in general, but I had to be self-confident in this specific situation to go on. So, I lifted her chin up with my hand and stared into her eyes with my presumably shy, yet sincere look. It felt like I didn’t even have to ask her what was wrong – she stopped crying immediately and a beautiful smile was drawn to her face as I simply sat there, caring and willing to listen. Before I even knew it, she had taken my hand and stood up.
- Come with me. You have one more place to attend to, one more river of tribulation to enter before you’ll be free eternally, but only I can lead you there.

Feeling unconditional trust and strangely enough, no confusion at all, I stood up as well and started following her steps as she led me away from the two windows.

There was no question about my heart being back where it belonged.

Concerning other things, I've kept listening to As I Lay Dying and Soulidium, with some P.O.D. here and there also. Riverside is flooding to my ears at the moment, and I also got the debut album by Element Eighty yesterday, even though I haven't been giving it much listen so far. All I know is that they're a nu metal group - most likely disbanded since there's not much info on them.

Anyhow, that part of Walk should keep you on your toes until next time, eh? Haha. Just remember, if you want to hear Dive Inside, just contact me. I will be adding a tab or two to the Autumn Scream site by the end of the week (just to keep it active) and who knows, maybe I'll make another trailer next week or something. Just keep an eye on the site even if you're not in the mood for posting anything (no one ever is, it seems?).

Tonight I'll be reading and trying to relax by taking it easy. I'll post on Friday or at least during the weekend. ;)

Sunday, July 12, 2009

Morning Waits

First, the thing you all have probably been waiting for... The cover.

Sweet, don't you think? For the record, yes, that is my face that you can see there briefly. I think the cover over all sums up the name and the theme of the album really well, with the sky representing the calmer moments and the screaming face representing the heavier and harder ones. Feel free to share your own thoughts on the cover, of course. :)

While the second album I got from As I Lay Dying (their third one in order) titled
Shadows Are Security has so far been somewhat a slight disappointed compared to the previous album I had by them, Frail Words Collapse, Soulidium has been a pleasant surprise actually. Not only do they have a few really catchy riffs, but also some very interesting industrial touches here and there. Besides listening to music, I've been writing the sixth chapter to Walk, but since it's still unfinished, I won't post it yet. It's going to be awesome though, and the story is starting to wrap itself up, meaning it's near completion...

One more thing worth nothing is that I've been updating my MySpace profile again. I made a new blogpost, first one in months and I've also uploaded the album cover there, along with the trailer video you've been able to watch at the Autumn Scream website. The blog is now also customized all over again, so go check it out and add me if you still haven't ( Memory is up in the player also, so you can tell that I'm putting a lot on MySpace as well right now.

But yeah, that's it for today. Just reminding you, tomorrow is a big day, since I will be having another recording session. You can expect results either tomorrow night or depending on how long the mixing etc. will take, on Tuesday. Keep your fingers crossed and we'll see soon.

Saturday, July 11, 2009

The Light

So what's new? Well, I've written a rough 550 words more to the short story I begun writing on the 1st of May. Still remember those two chapters I wrote back then and on the 2nd? No? Well, check the posts Invincible, Pt. 1 and The Listener, and then come back and read this:

For a minute or two, I just stand there staring at the ticket. I have never donated blood before. Do they even reward you with much? Is it healthy? Does it hurt? All these different questions wonder around my body before arriving to my brain, causing my skin to shiver. My eyes hit the photograph on the edge of the coffee table. Why did you have to leave, Jasmine?

After blocking the memory flash my mind was already prepared to play I walked slowly to the kitchen. I opened the fridge in thirst and hunger, only to find that it was as empty as my stomach. I sighed and grabbed an orange juice can that probably had been there for more than a week. Not that I cared.

I sat down by the table and reached out to read the mail that was lying on the other side of the table. In between 2 bills – one for electricity, one for water – and a catalog, I stumbled upon an envelope. Judging by the handwriting, I already knew who it was from, but nevertheless, I decided to open that white, sheer-looking thing.

While the couple upstairs started fighting very loudly, I revealed to myself what was inside the envelope. Like I had predicted, it was from my father, who once again had sent me 500 dollars for my bills and whatnot. He had also bothered himself to write me a letter by hand. I raised my eyebrows feeling biased, and after reading the first 2 rows of the familiar explaining written with scrappy handwriting, I threw the white piece of paper in the trash can that was beneath the right corner of the kitchen table. I took a deep gulp of juice and if I wasn’t feeling so beaten down and depressed all of a sudden, I would’ve spitted it out the second my lips tasted its bitterness. I swallowed and stared at the wall like a zombie. Despite feeling the opposite just seconds away from that moment, I suddenly realized something about my life. I was sitting by a worn-out, wooden dinner table, holding a glass of stale juice in my right hand and my father, who I had no connection to (nor did I want to have any, not anymore), was paying my bills and offering me a job at a place he had been complaining me about for years and years during the time I had still been a troubled teenager living at the corners of my mum and dad’s house. Who was I? What was my purpose? Did I even deserve a life? I was a leech to the society, nothing more, and the worst thing was, that I didn’t even enjoy myself. I hated myself and the fact that all those hours, days, even weeks I had spent doing nothing but things I shouldn’t have been doing, had turned to years and now I was just a lonely, lazy and pathetic 23-year old man. A grown man on the outside, yet a shy and scared boy on the inside.

I smashed the glass to the wall abruptly, causing the couple upstairs to end their fight. I didn’t even bother feeling sorry - I simply walked back to the coat rack to get dressed again and go out.

It was time for a change.

That's only about a half of chapter three. I need to do some research to continue, but I'm feeling pretty good about the story and the plot at the moment. Hopefully you will enjoy this bit and please tell me if you do.

While I'm downloading the debut album bu Soulidium, a hard rock/alternative metal group, I've been more and more into As I Lay Dying. I've also officially fell in love with P.O.D. again - I've been digging up shows and interviews, and had their albums (especially the latest ones) on heavy rotation. Needless to say that I think I will never find a band I will love, adore and listen to as much as them, not to mention something that will have an impact as strong as theirs. I've had my moments when I've been focusing on totally new genres and bands but P.O.D. always seems to get back to the top of my playlist at some point, prooving they still last from time to time.

Now it's time for the hyping part... Because tomorrow, I will be revealing the cover for my upcoming EP, Autumn Scream. I have SeeMO (from LPP) to thank for the making of the amazing cover, he did an excellent job. It's way better than the cover for GAMH (at least from my point of view) and has meaning to it as well. Anyway, I won't talk more about it now - tomorrow you can judge yourself whether it fits or not...

So, I guess I'll leave you now. Good night and I'll post again tomorrow.

Thursday, July 9, 2009

94 Hours

I haven’t posted in 5 days, but that does not mean I’ve been lazy. I have a lot to share, so let’s kick off with the business…

First of all, I’m happy to announce that I’m now officially done with Confirmation school. On Sunday I got confirmed in the biggest wooden church of the world (look it up if you want to) with 26 other people. While it wasn’t really a memorable 2 hours, I think I’ll never forget the confirmation of faith itself or the Eucharist after that. Even though it’s not important at all of course, it’s worth noting that I also received 390 euros of money from my family and relatives, meaning I now can afford lots of new music and equipment.

On that same night, I wrote a new drum part for Winterstorm in the HÆrt, and on Tuesday another one, completing my parts for the song. Shield No Shield, the guy I'm collabing with on the track has some problems with recording but hopefully we'll work it out one way or another. I know it seems like I'm not finishing what I have started first but I also have already finished guitar and bass parts for one song that's going to be included on my next project. That reminds me, the band project me and 5 other people had going on is basically dead now, even though that is none of my fault - I haven't seen 2 of the people involved online in weeks and 2 others are not really able to co-operate at the moment. I'll do all I can to continue the project but right now it seems like the band isn't going to go anywhere. Let's keep our hopes up though, shall we?

By the way, if you want a taste of the future in form of lyrics, you should check out the Fat Head project by one of my internet buddies, Gazzy. He's an Australian comedy artist, and while I've been giving him feedback he asked if we could collaborate. Now as you know, I'm not really a funny guy nor a comedian so I gave him the permission to use some previously written lyrics of mine that are originally for another collaboration that'll possibly be on my next project as well. The track is called Chaos, and it's basically the instrumental of Linkin Park's QWERTY with Gazzy's vocals in it. To understand the song, you probably need to check out a bit more of his stuff - I know that probably none of you reading this will appreciate it, but at least give it a try. For more info such as lyrics and the song itself, go here.

My next recording session will be either next Monday or Wednesday, and this time I'll at least start recording Dive Inside - both of the collaborations I've discussed in this post are also on the list of recordable tracks, it just isn't certain yet will I have the time to even begin recording them. Nevertheless, you can expect some previews again next week. I will post more during the weekend, don't worry, but since I now want to focus more on my writings you won't probably hear anything new on the music-field for a while.

One more thing about the music I've been listening to recently before I go. I got the Songs for the Deaf album by Queens of the Stone Age last Monday, but since it didn't really take off, I've been listening to a lot of Earshot, and since yesterday, I've been getting into As I Lay Dying, a Christian metalcore band. I have already fell in love with one of the latter's tracks, and as this is the over all 5th metalcore band I'm checking out (previously I have been listening to Demon Hunter, Killswitch Engage, Avenged Sevenfold and 36 Crazyfists) they have already earned a spot in the top 3 of that list at the moment.

I'll post again tomorrow or on Saturday. See you then, and in the mean time, comment on people!

Saturday, July 4, 2009

A Lesson Learned

Sorry for not updating sooner. I came back on Thursday but I've had a lot on my mind, lots of things to do and so on. Anyhow...

The confirmation camp wasn't really what I expected, and that's both, a good and a bad thing. I don't want to bore you by being detailed, but there were some moments I hated, and some moments that I loved - and as a conclusion, I learned and matured a lot what comes to religion and myself, particularly my role in the society. I now know for sure that I'm not like other people of my age, neither do I want to. My views have also changed a bit on things, but most importantly they've increased, and from now on you should see a glimpse of those every now and then...

The day before I left to the camp I did work on something new, but I had very little time and will to share it. I've also been working on new ideas a lot these past 2 days, since the camp was truly inspiring and for a complete week I had no abilities to produce my ideas (any musician reading this should know what I mean by basically damming yourself for such an amount of time). With all that's on my mind right now, I can however promise, that Autumn Scream is only going to be the beginning - literally.

As far as the recording sessions for AS go, I'm planning on re-activating them as soon as I can, which hopefully means the beginning of next week. I still have a church confirmation to attend to tomorrow, and a small celebration after that with my relatives and family, but I won't let it affect in any other way. Good news is that after tomorrow, I'm completely free for the rest of the holiday, which is 5 weeks.

Today, while I still got time, I'm planning on going with the flow, doing whatever pops into my mind, what just happens to fascinate and inspire me. I bet I will have something to show you soon - if not tomorrow, then on Monday. In the mean time, check the site and make sure it remains active until I make another update.

Before I leave you to whatever you were doing before you stupidly decided to check what's up with me, here's some previews of the future.

1. The working titles for my latest demos are 15 Miles and Melodia.
2. The working title for my next project is 7 Years.
3. I'm planning on writing one or two instrumentals more in the future, and songs with alternate time signatures.
4. Some sketched lyrics; Melt my heart and let it pour down the flame, the incarnation/final judgment shall vacuum the souls of the crooked nation//

PS: Please tell me what you think of the review I posted last time. I consider it one of my best work and I have yet to receive any comment...

See you soon.