Saturday, April 16, 2011

Counting On Me

It's been another 3 weeks now, so I thought I'd make my post. It's not like something spectacular and new has come to life during my absence, though... I've been making progress with my songs in a steady pace (albeit the exam week kind of slowed things down), Theban Cycle is once again a bit closer to having a full and finished song out (with vocals) as well as several other ideas more developed than before, school has kept me busy yet rewarded more or less, and in general things have been moody but in a positive way mostly; moody for the best of things. To jot it down somewhat philosophically, at times everything has made perfect sense while the next minute it all has come crushing down. Maybe I'm just bipolar - or God's control on my life is... :P

Spring's coming fast here now, but for weeks it was reported late. Snow kept falling and the temperature has been ossified to more than 0 degrees Celsius just this week actually. I loved winter as I always do, but watching the weather change (Tool pun intended) has genuinely been refreshing and relieving to see. In the same time it feels like doing school work is even harder mentally. I only managed to get 7 from my Geography exam and 8+ from Chemistry according to the exam results given this week. I have been sick since last weekend (not so much anymore) which means I was sick also when those exams took place early this week, but still the outcome seemed a little, well, unsatisfying for my standards. Luckily then came the results for French and Finnish - 9½ from the prime and 9½ from the latter were encouraging, but even more so were 5/6 and 55/60 from the two essays in Finnish, both "hard to find mistakes out of" according to the substitute we've had for the last few weeks. It's quite likely now that I'll get a grade of 9 for the entire course in Finnish just like for the two before, which I'm truly happy about it as this was the last course for this year. In French I've been promised a 10. I'm trying not to get too excited though - it would be a bad idea considering I could get cocky, and also since there's one more sixth left, which started last Wednesday. And oh boy, it's not an easy pass at all for any of the subjects since I don't only have Religion, Psychology, Physics, Swedish and Art, but also French and practice sessions for my upcoming life performance. Speaking of which...

Yesterday, I had my first practice session for the performance (which will take place in 2 weeks itself), and even though we failed to do much progress, I pretty much loved it. We've also agreed that since our music teacher has said it's possible we'll come to practice for several hours on Good Friday, which naturally would be a day-off for us and is for everyone else. That should make it possible for us to get things figured out in time, even though I find myself tripping with some parts of Cyan Lie and Permafrost still in addition to helping the others with their parts. My co-players aren't awful though (at least compared to me they're good enough), so things should be very manageable. With just two weeks left, the biggest issue to my mind is my nerves... Forever tightening I'm literally feeling like I could explode just days before stepping on stage because of them. Let us not forget that I'm also going to my first-ever concert the day after the performance, creating even more anticipation which isn't necessarily all for the best. Due to my voice still being a tad weakened by the flu it's also unlikely that I'll sing at all in Cyan Lie as I was planning before. Time will tell.

Whenever I haven't been busy with what's mentioned above, I've been listening to music, and more than in a little while. Some popular bands down my list include Tool, HURT, AqME, KoRn, Lordi, Bomfunk MC's and Mighty 44 (notice 3 Finnish bands I didn't care for too much earlier). I even purchased a 3-CD collection of Frederic Chopin's classical work last week, so I've definitely been trying to push the boundaries lately, at least the ones I've gotten used to.

Spiritually, I've been in a slight metamorphosis, mostly thanks to some inspiring videos by David Pawson. I encourage everyone, not just Christians, to look up some of his interpretations on the Bible and the world we live. For me it did a lot, and I now others close to me who relate with that feeling. On the other hand, I've been deeply depressed lately due to my own faulty and just not getting pass the fact that they're here to stay and that I AM the evil, as are you (by being human). Whether it's true or not I'm stuck with the idea that you and everyone else around me just don't deserve something as bad as me around you.

Alright, that's a bit of a downer but I'll leave you with that note. Brace yourself and bless the world, and I'll see you in a week, two weeks, or so. :)