Thursday, August 25, 2011

Tearjerker

This is becoming a tradition - posting songs that make me cry in between the actual updates. Here's one more by Korn called Tearjerker. It's all I have right now - and yes, that's a multi-interpretational statement.

Well I wish there was someone
well I wish there was someone
to love me
When I used to be someone
and I knew there was someone
that loved me
As I sit here frozen alone
even ghosts get tired and go home
as they crawl back under the stones

And I wish there was something
please tell me there's something better
and I wish there was something more than this
saturated loneliness
And I wish I could feel it
and I wish I could steal it
abduct it, corrupt it, but I never can, it's just
saturated loneliness

Does the silence get lonely?
Does the silence get lonely?
Who knows?
I've been hearing it tell me
I've been hearing it tell me
go home
'cause the freaks are playing tonight
they packed up and turned out the lights

And I wish there was something
please tell me there's something better
and I wish there was something more than this
saturated loneliness
And I wish I could feel it
and I wish I could steal it
abduct it, corrupt it, but I never can, it's just
saturated loneliness

And the bath waters cold
and this life's getting old

And I wish I could feel it
and I wish I could feel it
and I wish I could steal it
abduct it, corrupt it
And I wish I could feel it
and I wish I could steal it
and I wish I could feel it
abduct it, corrupt it
but I never can
I never can
never can
never can
never can.

[/angst]

Monday, August 15, 2011

Good Evening Beautiful

Hey, surprise surprise! Since my school schedule is really a nightmare and I'm guessing that from all the mixing and recording I will be doing I won't have much time for posts any time soon, I thought I'd make a tiny tiny one tonight while I'm still without homework and (almost) without stress. Basically what this post is supposed to be is an introduction to the poll you can see on the right of this page (I hope...:P). I've decided I want Wicked Breath's debut album to have a music video and single to promote it well, and this time it would be made entirely public unlike in the case of Xie Xie. The question is - which song to use? As brainstorming, filming, not to mention editing a music video is very time-consuming, the time for planning is right now. It's true that only about 2/3 of the songs that will be on the album have so far been started on (read: not all of them have even been entirely finished, especially concerning the drum parts) and only 6 of them have been confirmed for the record, but I can't stall this any longer for the sake of finishing in time with both, the album and its promotion material. Moreover, I think the best way to describe this process that has taken a year and a half so far and will continue to take more than another year of my life is to use a song that was not made just a few months before release as a last attempt or something.

So how's this going to work exactly? Well, I will be linking you to some MIDIs of the songs I've chosen for the poll, and you can also read the lyrics for the songs by scrolling this post down a little more. I am hoping to have as many votes as possible, so tell your friends! If you're a newcomer to this blog or my music, don't let it stop you. MIDIs (which you can open with Windows Media Player) are awful in quality but they should give you enough of an idea on how the songs will end up sounding with real instrumentation, and perhaps the lyrics you see will evoke such spirit in you that you just have to see it being sung in a music video. (That being said, I accept ideas for the music video itself in the comments - and remember, while some of these songs aren't necessarily all that accessible at first, there's a reason for every choice I've made for the poll and that reason is that they describe my sound.) ALL HELP AND SUPPORT WILL BE GREATLY APPRECIATED. I cannot underline it enough that even if I make music for myself, I am eager to share it with the world and most importantly, hear what the world thinks of it.

(EDIT, SUNDAY 21ST: It has come to my attention that Sendspace is having limitations on free downloading, and so to make things a little easier you can now choose to download the MIDIs in one .zip package (click here) instead of having to download them all individually. For those who prefer trying their luck, the links from before are still up though.)

At the dawn of the latest evening, there’s a queen holding the rights to breathe
Sirens hold their notes in the air, set the tone for a late attempt to bleach
drunk with power, while a little boy climbs down from his tree to applaud our backwardness
for this circus has been forced to go on so long, it has turned to the other side

And now black
Are you ready for the black? [X3]

Calling home, the messengers, now break down the hearts fold with pepper

(They say):
“Paper clips, the answer is war
Difference, silenced by scandals
When nature rebels, we rebel the poor
But after this call, we must hang from liability”
And now justice lives underground, first signs of flood break out
to the public, dressed clowns, anxiously proclaim how
we must not seek for crowns, not wealth and not ourselves
just grab our evil friends, run and hope to find new shelter

(But sages, they remain with bloodshot cameras and tapes)

The compensation of the gentleman with the looks to reflect the madness plan
as the choirs of laugh spin around the stem turning into severe mayhem
can’t get this snow globe out of my consciousness, unfocused, refugee of the divinity

The essence of wind makes her grief and smile in the same tiny breath
her light is captured in a slowly caving nest, surrounding it she sees his deadbeat chest
and the deepest of shades keeps on burning, setting on fire even the ashes and even the frames
no more pain left, for the hopeless, to rain the death’s final rain

Bloody lips kissing concrete, your deathblow is finally mine
Mental chaos, the man kills man and with escape they both fall to sand
There is no technology to replace love
and there is no haven for the unkind

A pessimists' dread scenario
in its coldness it should be notional
notice, the change
The best day for change is today

FLUSH MY HEART AWAY!
Crawling on the floor of a station restroom
(fall is it? Own me, push me and loathe me,
crooning, “I am me”, keeping the truth leashed,
staying untamed so tomorrow can drive me slow)
Lakes they’re turning into mountain vales
(Ruthlessly standing by what I trample,
aiming my vengeance at everyone else
when all the banishment should be laid like mud on me)

[Chorus]: Hunting demons down the lane of death
Narcissism is programmed into my brain
Wherever I call for a sincere smile to support
Melatonin attacks, flames charge right beneath my back

Carry judgment I must to be a part of the mass
(The truth, still fizzling under my lungs
filling, this nature covers it up with
threads do connect but are nowhere to be found at all)
Relying on myself and me only
(For I can’t take advice, I could as well be blind
seeing moonlight where sunrise is offering blood
donation, my soul lives in daily frustration)
AARGH

[Chorus]

I snap, the hoodies are gone off the faces
surround me like haze and fight for their places
In pieces, throwing the torch on the flame, suffocation
it’s freezing to be here

[Chorus2]: Hunting demons down the lane of death
Narcissism is programmed into my brain
Whenever I call for a sentimental support
Melatonin attacks, the machine boots beneath my back

Option #3: Polarity
Squinting through mist, listing my observations
while glitches lay open yet bury the lie, I
keep counting my steps while a shadow sweeps the floor
sweeps more patiently than bore taking over my norm
Recently standing has began to instigate
an ache somewhere deep down the wind of condemn
And trust in myself and my way of sincerity
has shrinken to dust, lust has turned me to rust
At the end I am empty and full when it's dawn
saturated from hunger I am growing from torment
Through pieces and madness I sense all at my sight
Through what's genuine fear approaching to realize

(Toxic inside...)

the vein, where the golden prey, withers from the power of the change
transforming into this new shell of irregular phase and
impulse stronger with hate, desperation
and ugliness uniting to play for the sake of the enemy
in the mirror with the weight of angst hanging from the blepharons ready to burst
to long, winded, hysterical show
without contentment, without an exit from the surveillance
shot at you and your reactions untypically unglued

Closing the blind that built a bridge for this effort
to abandon the forecast, shove the beginning burn
A shivering glimpse at the sweet little symbiont
'cause of the light that you carry I am shackled onto
is filled with smoke, with hate, with everything that is me
My shame is flooding to an unwrittable page
dribbling with pain, I PLEAD

Winters have come and certainly they have gone
the testament has now frozen in between rays of sun
but soon everything that was lost will be lost again
not likely to prolong my time, my life without cure for dying
in panic I empty what once was supposedly done
while the cure is more closer than where my eyes can meet
only shadowed by habit embedded in me

Until the scenery is intruded by a beckoning face
I endure in the pits of backlash and supposed fate
two-folded, while my mind won't let me renew
this polar state just won't bring me here

Option #4: Grain
Absurd, the abstract, has come
re-arranged my relucant compass
and blind caress of peaches and lime
without reality and purpose to die for
synthetized, my soul was sketched out of scars
doomed to cause more and rip them apart
now each cut deeper than the mist on the surface
only gathers itself, empowering me

But this also is oh so painful
seeing the imperfected perversion
where the water meets me
with the waves never as sheer

Weight on my throat suffocating origin of the flourished attic
and with my wrists tied together, the cadmium grain contemplates leaving its arx
that was washed out of weakness just before the orchid
came screaming back for sand to take on

I ERUPT truth
YOU ERUPT... ?

---------------------
Once you've made your decision, whatever it's based on (do take your time please), I obviously expect you to vote on it. The poll is once again shown on the right panel of this page (where I've also added some other cool new stuff lately, if you haven't noticed). Voting ends on the last day of this month, which is August 31st, 2011. Don't miss out on the results, either!

I will see you sooner or later, now peace. :)

Saturday, August 13, 2011

Shiny Skin

Here we are - just less than 40 hours away from the beginning of my second school year in upper secondary school. I've spent 70 days in what was supposed to be bliss during my off time. Has it? Well, it has and hasn't; more of the latter, unfortunately. It's impossible to go through it all in a nutshell so prepare for some heavy ranting and whatnot to enter your brain.

To start with the positive, if I had to choose one thing I'm really glad of doing and have done more than I would've ever imagined, it would be walking. I've had around forty of them throughout the summer, no lying, and as we count all of them together it's safe to say I've wandered for more than two hundred kilometers outside in heat, mild, sun light, rain and dusk. It's been wonderful. I've been inspired a ton during if not all, at least during the majority of them. There's been line ideas, song ideas, riffs, beats, and most importantly, project ideas. Ah yes, another very positive thing I could've never imagined having earlier... Ravinethrall eventually became the perfect side project and counterpart to Wicked Breath, and putting together an EP of 3 songs in less than 24 hours (=which is what you get when you count together the time I spent in total on writing the songs during my all nighters, obviously this does not include recording/mixing/et cetera) was a great experience. Although I still have one or two drum tracks to do not to mention a bunch of mixing before Bequeath gets out, I'm already very proud, particularly since the tiny bit of reception Winterpipedream has gotten has been delightfully positive so far. (During my walks I of course also listened to music and as they've become more frequent, I've also started taking an immense number of photographs while passing breathtaking scenery.) Last addition to this segment would have to be my short story, which hasn't yielded a single bad review yet. There have been small mistakes in both the Finnish and English version (obviously some more significant ones in the latter), but basically everyone has been telling that they've liked it and haven't been able to stop reading before they've reached the end. While it's only been read by people who are family/friends/friends of family, there's no reason they would be lying or giving soft criticism. Not all of them. Regardless, I knew myself that I got a lot to improve even before I showed it to anyone, yet it was surprisingly easy to write the story after such a break in writing and I'm happy about the response I've had.

Kind of on the branch of good and bad is my "actual" work. I've vacuumed, wiped dust, washed carpets, doors, windows, cleaned rooms (...) and for a good money since my parents have been grateful enough to give me around 300 Euros for all that I've done for our house. You don't have to be a scientist to tell that it's been time-consuming too, though. This holiday has really opened my eyes to how cruel and disgusting money can be - we work our asses off to get some, and in the end it's wasted oh so quickly and at least for me, sometimes even in vain. I bought Pro Tools only to find that it's really just Guitar Rig, Guitar Pro and Audacity packed in one with a "professional" sticker in it and massive lagging on a regular processor and USB sound card, and that I actually already got version seven of it hiding in my drawer (got it with my MobilePre preamp ages ago). Sure I now have version nine, and it does have its perks like easy volume control, but 300 Euros? Just too much. Then again, my drum mics were totally worth the investment - it's just too bad I had to get seven (for the price of seven) while all I needed and have use for is two. Here goes hoping that what I'm currently saving for (this beauty) won't let me down.

That leads us to my guitar issues. Slightly better now, but still a concern and for a long time, very distressing. Not only did I not record as much as I wanted, I also didn't create as much as I wanted, didn't mix or finish as much as I wanted, and felt depressed from time to time (but whenever it got to that there were other things involved such as drama in the social department and self-loathing). Actually, just this week when I've been going through some of my songs and demos from the past year or so, I've noticed how much better songs like The Black are than my newer material. Seriously, it could also be because the newer songs are ones I've been dwelling with without a break, but there's so much going on in that song both musically and lyrically that it just makes me wonder whether I'll ever be able to do the same again.

Last Friday (the 5th) was actually the perfect way of tying this holiday's common themes and events together, as it was the concert where I saw a number of local bands as well as Pariisin Kevät. I can't reveal everything here, but there was the drama again, as well as a huge amount of walking back and forth (I left my home and came back four times!), plenty of photographs, great music and energy, but also embarrassment, loathing, and alienation. And, as I was attending I thought of having a really long night afterwards writing and tweaking songs, but ended up sleeping with only a few lines written. You see, we can't really talk about writer's blocks here, not when a) I have actually done quite a lot of stuff including Ravinethrall & CITS, Still (a new song done last weekend), cORE4 and the completion of Grain and Polarity Wicked Breath-wise, and many poems b) I haven't been struggling as much with writing and composing itself as I have with finding the spark to try doing them. Don't get me wrong, I still want to create - the heck, this holiday has made me realize that I LIVE out of it - but all the other, well, shit that's around is sucking up the time and spark too often for me to just clear the air, sit down and write a song. Ravinethrall was so great for that exact reason, because although I couldn't shove everything aside, I could put together music in a short period of time without having to focus on anything but the music itself too much. Then again it also meant that I have yet to really find the right sound for the project, which will come together eventually though, I'm sure.

Oh, also movies and books we have to talk about. I could've spent more time with both, but having finished Brian "Head" Welch's biography Save Me From Myself just a moment ago, experienced the greatness of Skjut Apelsinen by Mikael Niemi, and found back the Harry Potter series, I can be happy. A few movies weren't really that worthwhile as wasn't the short story collection I read, but it's just a part of discovering new things.

Finally, here's a playlist I made out of my holiday, including the new Evanescence song that was released this week. And 23 other pieces of greatness, naturally. Who's questioning my taste? :P

Anyway, it's now time to prepare for a new beginning. Stay well, friends! I myself will do my best, I promise, and remain hopeful for good things to come. :)

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

The Shadow Of Your Hand

We have waited for so long
To occur this day
There are those who fly away to a distant place
But I think I'll stay
And I wouldn't have it any other way
In this solace I see a light
piercing the darkness
Coming on the winds
of imagery
When all I know is crumbling
I am becoming something more than humanity could ever allow me to be
I remember a day when
My dreams of escape
Seemed so far away

Let's go back in time, you and I

To my
Initiation to your false empire
You greased, you aimed
And then you spit
While I
Once again pushed away my conscience

Yet always, it seems

I cannot fathom the plateau
Without first in the pits

Against the goads there can be no pleading

Because every thought reaps an action
And for you, my former captor
All the earthly wisdom and wealth
Cannot erase your susceptibility
To brutal mortality
And the funny thing about justice
Is that it always comes when you least expect it
So friends it won't be long
Seems I stole your smile, right from wrong

So forever now we'll find

Our peace inside this
We'll find our solace in your silence
And though I once desired your twisted sense of fame
I know, I know that in myself I'm nothing

Nothing

Nothing
Nothing but the words of the meaningless

You have given me all I'll ever need

The nerve, the greed, the lust, the lust, the lust, the lust for justice
And now I will never rest
Until the meaningless become your silence

And you're

Over

Over
Over
Out
Over
Over
Over
Out

Over

Over
Over
Out
Over
Over
Over
Out


Now I mean to thank you once again, with this

My, my, my goodbye kiss
You broke my heart
But something tells me that I won't, that I won't, and I won't miss it
And on this very day
And on this very hill
While the heavens are hushed
In anticipation, beckoning
We'll have ourselves a reckoning
And all of the oppressed will greet you

And you're

Over

Over
Over
Out
Over

Over
Over...

-----------------------
I've fallen hopelessly back in love to this song (Project 86 - Solace) and album (Songs To Burn Your Bridges By) during my discography sessions. Up until the weekend, that is all.

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Amiss Distance

I was mixing Winterpipedream and failing to make it work as usual while doing such, I decided to take a break and make a post here instead. So here I am. If I had to find a word to describe the last eight to nine days it would probably be something along the lines of "a rollercoaster." "a pursuit." "a tribulation." or *gasp...* "life." I reached the bottom once and for all and actually am not sure if I've climbed up yet, at all. I know it's pathetic but I couldn't/can't help it - the pain of not being able to breathe music (as I like to put it) as well as other smaller things made me self-destruct, crawl into my shell and feel eager to do nothing but sleep. Anyone who truly knows me knows that disregarding dreams, sleeping is a waste of time in my world. Thus I deliberately wanted to waste my time. That should tell you something. Ever since then I've been basically trying to seek balance with the little things as there's nothing I can do with the big ones for a while. At times I've fallen back, at times I've actually felt rather happy and like this holiday that will end in less than two weeks shouldn't end. But yeah, I won't get too emo, I don't want to at least, so let's just move on, because there are things I have to share other than just angst.

Art ironically has perhaps just increased as a part of my life ever since my sufferings occurred. Since my last post I've watched four of the latest Harry Potter movies (The Order Of The Phoenix and Half-Blood Prince once, the part one of Deathly Hallows twice, part two of Deathly Hallows once), read two books, written down numerous poems and lyrical ideas as well as started on one new song, and recorded guitars, bass, vocals and drums for Ravinethrall and Wicked Breath both. I know that in the same time it sounds contradicting to what I just wrote in the above paragraph but I emphasize that my guitars do not sound like they are supposed to. Anyway, my visit to the library on Thursday was maybe the one thing that turned all for better. (Not exactly art-related, but I've also been on seven walks, btw). I loaned a total of five books - Syleily ("Embrace") by Maria Vuorio, Skjut Apelsinen ("Shot Oranges" by Mikael Vuori), Not The End of The World by Geraldine McCaughrean, Uskonnonfilosofia ("Philosophy of Religion") by Timo Helenius, Timo Koistinen and Sami Pihlström and Kirjoittamisen Ihanuus: Nuoren Kirjoittajan Opas ("The Delight of Writing: The Guide of A Young Writer") by Katariina Kuick and Ylva Karlsson. Maria Vuorio's book turned out to be decent, consisting of seven short stories which for the most part lacked cohesiveness within themselves to me. I could not get into her writing style but I thought that at least two of the seven stories were quite good. Skjut Apelsinen, on the other hand, was BRILLIANT. One of the best books I've ever read, it mainly focuses on the angst of a 16-year-old. (I bet it doesn't come as a surprise that I loved it now does it, heh.) It's more than just that though, and among other things I found enormous and fantastically used contrasts in humor and seriousness, naivety and depth, love and hate, questions and answers, you name it. The protagonist ends up making poems to relieve his emotions (again, I bet someone wrote this book for me) and falling in love with a girl who is the only one that understands his rebellious clothing (believe me, this doesn't mean what you think it does, READ IT :P) after him being rejected by the most beautiful girl in school, and obviously in front of everyone. The book plays with the struggles all teenagers face but doesn't come across as cheesy. It's laughable, intense, in-your-face and straightforward as much as it's abstract and poetic. A masterpiece, really. Niemi has another book that's even more famous and after this I MUST read it as soon as I get the chance. The Guide of A Young Writer has inspired me even more though, obviously. I've done poems in Finnish based on the tips and ideas the book has given, and it's been wonderful even if I haven't used that much time on it yet. The book has also given me a thematic idea for Wicked Breath's second album. (You heard me, second... Maybe, just maybe I should finish the first album first as well as Theban Cycle's debut EP, the Ravinethrall stuff, not to mention my untitled project? *rolls eyes*) Here are some of the best poems I've done so far. Some of them were haikus but I'll rather translate them word for word than attempt maintaining the number of syllables. I'll also note that without exception all these poems have been done very briefly in a rather improvised manner.

I pray that the figure beside me would turn to real
turn to you, the home of my love.
For a third day I'm speaking to you
but you don't reply, at all.
I paint the walls, paint the ceiling,
paint the meadow and fitted carpet.
The emptiness won't release, like ice beneath my feet
I'm cold and tingled.
I melt at a distance with the distance as the reason.


Sadness of the dancer
gives birth to happiness large
a protecting flood.


Redness of the stalk of a tree
glows with the color of her
shoots itself.


A basket lies in the moss
a burrow shouts the name of the hunter.
White, green, black, dark
a bird wishes ugly night.
But ugliness is only ugly to the beautiful
to the ugly it's alike.
The companion drinks from the oasis
from the brook of pretty secret.


Ravinethrall-wise I'm done recording Winterpipedream entirely, (Still Not) Burnished's guitars and bass, and dearth's bass and most of the guitars. Wicked Breath is still on a bit of a hiatus but Tear of The Afternoon is done completely and Finland will soon be too. For Polarity, I've recorded the bass. I am now hoping to get Bequeath out by the end of this month and Perfidy of Judgment somewhere in October, but the latter isn't fully in my own hands.

Faith No More has taken over my intent to listen to my favorite bands' discographies. I'd say it's more fortunate than unfortunate, since Angel Dust and The Real Thing don't seem to be hailed as classics for nothing. If I had heard songs like Jizzlobber and Malpractice before I started Ravinethrall they would've been a big influence for sure. I'm also thinking of doing an instrumental cover of Quote Unquote, the masterpiece by Mike Patton's other band, Mr. Bungle. It would fit perfectly for the second Ravinethrall EP whenever the time comes for that, mood-wise if not else. Plus I probably won't finish the cover for Insomnia by Faithless I was about to, and I still want to do some cover and put it out officially, sooner or later. Old KoRn and Deftones plus Opeth and P.O.D.'s new songs have also rolled in my headphones the past week. For the fanboys and -girls, you can hear The Devil's Orchard here and On Fire here.

That's about it. I'm hoping to deliver one or two more posts before school starts again. :) Be blessed! I know I won't...