Friday, September 16, 2011

It Feels Like Dying


Am I allowed to breathe?
Am I allowed to counter
words that don't believe
and words that don't matter?
And soon I'll sigh
and forget them all
Only sometimes
am I allowed
(breathe)

And someone should have told me
that you would be here
but you weren't you anymore
you weren't you

But you will, you will, you will
YOU

Soon I will fall like the wall

(Breathe)
(Breathe)

And how it feels will be horror
Do you hate it?
'Cause you weren't you anymore
You weren't you

But you will, you will, you will
YOU

Soon I will fall like the wall

All around fractured view of life
I tear down all these idols
And I'll make my transformation
You'll feel better

RIGHT?

(Breathe)
(Breathe)

You will, you will, you will
YOU

YOU CAN'T SCAR ME, YOU CAN'T
YOU CAN'T SCAR ME, YOU CAN'T

How the fuck does it feel?

Soon I will fall like the wall
And soon I will fall like the wall

And how the fuck does it feel?
And how the fuck did you figure?
How the fuck does it feel?
And how the fuck did you figure?
How the fuck does it feel?
How the fuck did you figure?
How the fuck does it feel?
How the FUCK
HOW THE FUCK DOES IT FEEL?
HOW THE FUCK DOES IT FEEL?
HOW THE FUCK DOES IT FEEL?
AND HOW THE FUCK DOES IT FEEL?

Saturday, September 10, 2011

I Want To Be Much Then More

And here I am. Before proceeding to anything else, I have to thank each and everyone for your votes in the poll. I had 13 votes in total, which is more than I expected. The final results were less surprising though. Baptism of Fire, with its straightforward and catchy nature (I assume), took the win with eight votes. Grain and Polarity both had two votes while The Black had one person think it would the best choice. I've now filmed about a half of the music video with my friend Justine who came to visit me last week (thanks for that and all the great time we had once again!). I can tell you already that it'll look great and hopefully much less amateurish than the previous music video. Due to Baptism of Fire not necessarily describing the upcoming album as a whole all that well, however, I'm also considering the option of doing another music video later for Polarity. Don't take it the wrong way - I just don't want people to feel hugely disappointed when they hear a way more progressive record than what the single might predict. Technically I never implied that whatever you choose would be the one & only single anyway... :P

The reason as to why I haven't been making proper updates very consistently in a while is obviously lack of time. I thought that school was tough when it started, but it's getting tougher and tougher each week. Besides homework, stress and social issues my band line-up for the performance has totally been revamped and it's not really a positive thing. In fact all I want to do right now is get the performance out of the way and move on entirely on my own again. At least I tried... Slight creative frustration and the fact that I haven't had time to record or mix much has also affected on me becoming more depressed than ever before in my life. I still think that the only time I've really faced the bottom was during the eighth week of my summer holiday, but regardless of feeling a little better than back then I would say that my depression has become a long-term affair. Then again there is the question whether or not I've always been depressed - the state I'm in right now isn't necessarily anything new, there's just that little extra bit of tension in there making it seem so. Or then I'm overreacting as always. Go and tell.

Despite everything my album has made a lot of progress. I've finished several brand new songs and am working on another bunch right now. You can check the more detailed list of the current situation on the AS forums where I posted my September update just earlier today. All in all I've actually been overwhelmingly inspired lately, and it could just be the depression working as a catalyst of some sort on my artistic tendencies. It goes around though because not being able to take all my ideas and work on them is making me even more sad. One of these is a plot for a story I really want to write. Unlike the story I made in the summer, this one I'd rather make into a book which naturally makes things even more difficult. I'm however determined to at least give it a try - I'm about to start writing it tonight to be exact, as soon as I'm finished with this post and some lyrics and drums I'm working on for a song called Skies, most likely a song to be on the album. It uses 5-string guitars. Don't ask why. :P

Ravinethrall hasn't really gone forth. Today was the first time in weeks that I touched any of the project files. I am hoping to get the EP out this month though, but it's quite an optimistic goal I have to admit. Chances are that if I can't put it out this month, the Wicked Breath EP Perfidy of Judgment won't be released at all since I really want the album to be out next year more than to have some leftover songs put out in promotion for it. I might still put the songs out eventually, but they're really not that great anyway. Apart from Cyan Lie obviously, which was supposed to be on both, the POJ and the album. Let's just keep our fingers crossed...

Walking is what has kept me together for most of my days recently. It's a miracle how doing it more regularly than before and having started taking photographs has made me realize the whole experience differently. What of course helps this is that the autumn in here is breathtaking. Again, the bad thing about the whole thing is that it exhausts me and sucks even more time out of my week. I am really productive during my walks though - often so productive that I'll have ideas I'll forget by the time I'm back home.

I don't really have anything to say about the music that I've been into besides Spineshank and Deftones. And lots of shuffle, hah.

That all just came pouring out, but I think I'm done now. Time to go make some pizza and then conclude the most productive day of the week with some more creative activity. I'll promise to post next week - if nothing else, it'll just be another song that means a great deal to me. Take care and enjoy what's left of your day. :)

PS: My thoughts and prayers go to the families and friends of the players and staff of the ice-hockey team Lokomotiv Jaroslavl. If you don't know what I'm talking about, their plane crashed last Wednesday just as it had taken off to the air. 43 out of 45 passengers died. A tragic day (and week) for hockey.

Taste of Better Times to Come

Hello memory lover
You are mine
I gave everything
I need you
And someday
I'll be with her
I'll be with you
I will
I'm so dead
You're the first star
You're the one who sees it all
I know
I'm so tired
And sick.
-Deftones: Fist

See you tonight.